I really want to reflect over what I've done this past week; it feels like I haven't achieved much recently. I fear that work has become my new college environment and that my work friends have replaced my college friends. To me this will never happen, I don't replace anyone in my life, I just expand on my social groups and everyone will always remain special to me. But I do genuinely fear that people may think this, but please don't. As I was looking through my calander before it dawned on me that over the past ten days I've only had two days off work. That would suggest to me that I've spent wayyyy too much time working and not enough time playing!
The most memorable event over the past week has deifinetely been my traditional Thursday night out with my friends from work. I had a delicious three course meal at Frankie and Benny's and then I went on to the weekly student night in town where I downed Archers and lemonade for £1.50, bargain. I love my weekly night out with the girls for food and then usually the guys will join us for the drinks. Typical boys really, interested in the alcohol. The night lead onto a night club and then a long taxi ride home.
Although I've socialised quite a bit over the past week, but I've also had a lot of time to think. Having spent time endlessly over-thinking my future and actually analysing my life I've realised quite a lot. I am what people would call an over-thinking, self-conscious person who doesn't want to miss out or not be the most worldly.
I've always been an over-thinker ever since I was younger. I over-think every aspect of my life and that leads to also being an over-analyser, which is practically what I am doing now... I think too much about things that I'm about to do and how people will perceive my actions. I worry what people will think of me and if I'll offend them by just being myself. I'm probably one of the most honest people out there, I don't believe in lies because I personally believe that liars are always caught out in the end, so I worry people will hate me because of my honesty. My anti-no-lies stance has lost me friends over the years when I've pointed out their blatant lies and that worries me that one day I'll have no-one left, but I know that there's people out there like me. I worry that my genuine happy approach to life will lose me friend too, because I might be perceieved as fake, but my happiness isn't fake. This is me over-analysing once again. I over-analyse every relationship in my life whether it's family, friends or boys. My ability to over-analyse everything enable me to link events together and create inter-linking theories of utter noncesense. It's probably some weird form of OCD actually. Although I go through life over-thinking and over-analysing every aspect of my life I believe that my life is a path that has already been planned, so no matter what happens it's meant to happen so I should be happy about it.
Another annoying thing about my personality is that I'm someone who doesn't want to miss out. This genuinely means that I end up going practically everywhere that I'm asked to go to. I just have this fear that I might miss out on something great and I don't want to miss the opportunity for fun.
I love the fact that from the age of 17 I've had a job and that I've had the opportunity to learn to drive. This is something that not all of my friends have had the opportunity of, so I genuinely value these priceless experiences that I've had. The fact that I turned 18 so early in the year in contrast to some of my friends from college meant that I've had the chance to experience life as an 18-year-old with friends from work. This has meant that I've experienced night clubs, resturants and places that other friends haven't yet experienced. I've also had experiences within these clubs and environments and met people that other friends have yet to experience. So I will admit that when these friends finally start to experience these things I will start to feel a bit sad about the fact that I'm no longer the most worldly. I like that fact about myself and I suppose it could be suggested that I am a tad jealous that others are experiencing the wonderful social life that I've experienced over the past 7 months, and I don't like that about myself. But this is all because I'm fairly competitive in some aspects of my life and I genuinely hate that others are experiecing the same as me and I fear that they'll have more fun at experiencing what I've already experienced or that they'll experience more than me and I won't be the most worldly anymore.
But don't let my little ramble leave a lasting impression on you. I just sometimes over-think and that means I end up chatting complete rubbish.
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